If I Never Drive Again...

...that'll be fine with me. My abs could use some walking benefits anyway.

Summit Hospital and Hermitage library are both half of a mile away from where I sleep. I wonder if they are hiring.

Art in The Arcade

Go to Nashville's downtown Arcade much? I used to go from time to time for lunch and people watching. But I never had any idea that there were art galleries on the second floor.

According to WPLN's Local News and Features podcast, you can visit each of them on the first Saturday of each month for free. Artist Daniel Lai has played a large part in helping The Arcade to become 100% occupied on the second floor.

Read more here.

Ladies, Know You're Beautiful

Dove asked its users to create and submit an ad for its new Dove Cream Oil Body Wash.

Here's the winner.

The ad looks great. But I wonder. More and more companies have been going with user created ads recently. Is Madison Avenue getting nervous at all?

These Wages Can Take A Hike

Oh great guidance counselor in the sky. What occupation am I made to occupy?

Insomnia mixed with general dissatisfaction with my earnings of paltry wages makes for a night of sober introspection. (I can't believe I forgot to buy some beer on my way home.)

But the resume is in for the dream job. Now I just have to wait for them to call. And wait. And wait.

Between now and then, a push must be made to make more money. It'll be hard for any other places to compete with the good health insurance I currently receive. And my current coworkers are awesomely kind and cool. But the thing is the cash. Ain't it always.

I did find a buck for a lottery ticket today. Because who knows. I guess I support that regressive tax.

And if that works out, you're all invited to a party.

Worst Live Blog Post Ever (Now With Cursing!)

• Three minutes into the Independent Spirit Awards and host Sarah Silverman has explained the art-to-commerce marriage by referencing talking vaginas. (And she did this sideways thing with her lips that made me laugh.)

• About nominated film, Man Pushes Cart, Sarah summed up thusly: "Who gives shit?"

• Silverman: "If a bomb went off in this tent, there would be no one left to make a documentary about it."

• On Robert Downey Jr.: "He was into rehab before it was cool. He did rehab when you had to stay there...until you were better."

• Note to self: If I ever meet Sarah Silverman, buy her good cheese. (You'll only get that if you watched it.)
  

• Matt Dillon presents an award for Best Supporting Male and I wonder why he wasn't nominated for his performance in Factotum.
  

• Alan Arkin wins in this category. (I didn't ruin the surprise, did I?) I love his work.

• Presenting for Best First Screenplay are Lucy Liu and, if I heard correctly, a random guy who won a contest and got to be a presenter. Cool! He did great.

• Winner, Michael Arndt for Little Miss Sunshine.

• Zach Braff is presenting. It just now occurred to me that he looks like a younger, skinnier Ray Romano.

• These clips are killing me. I want to see all of these movies. They are beautiful, raw, brave...all very inspiring.

• Tom Waits in a clip for Wristcutters: A Love Story: "Do I look asymmetrical to you?" I love that guy. I may have to join Netflix for a free month just to see that.

• Angelica Huston is on stage and keeps whining that she wants her juice cup. (Wait. My daughter is talking to me. I'm getting confused.)

• A lot of these films are available on DVD at my local library. I'm requesting them online and I hope that they all don't become available for me at the same time.

• Singing in honky-tonk fashion about the details of one of the nominated films is Minnie Driver. I forgot that this is a regular feature. Funny stuff. Bouncing ball at the bottom of the screen and everything.

• Ain't David Lynch the greatest? My favorite of his is Wild at Heart with Laura Dern and Nicolas Cage. I need to watch his newest, Inland Empire, also starring Laura Dern. Hey Brittney Gilbert! Have you seen it yet?

• With a hand-held Sony PD150 and no financial help from any studio at all, Lynch shot Inland Empire.

• I love that this thing is being held in a tent. Anyone with a hand-held can make a movie and anyone with a tent can hold an awards show.

• To the tune of "We Are Family," Taylor Dayne is singing a song about Little Miss Sunshine. "Screwed-up family/What's dysfunctionality?"

• Announcer: "Put your hands and legs together for presenter Sharon Stone!" LOL

• Winner of Someone To Watch Award, director Julia Loktev (Day Night Day Night). Happy to oblige. Her film looks wonderful.

• Still waiting to hear who won the Axium Producers Award. Neither presenter seems to have the envelope. ("I thought you had it.") A nice laugh all around. Finally, the envelope is brought out. Congrats to winners, Howard Gertler and Tim Perell.

• Short and touching tribute to Robert Altman. A clip from him on set, instructing his actors: "Let's start with everyone in the wrong places." He is, of course, one of the greatest.

• The Robert Altman Award has now been created for future presentations.

• American Gun, starring Forest Whitaker has moved to the top of my list.

• Premier sponsors for the show: IFC, Netflix, Axium, and Elle. Principal sponsors for the show: Acura and Pop Secret. Sponsors for this blog: None, dammit. Guess I'll keep clocking in at the workplace. ;)

• John Waters enters stage left! Hell yeah! (Or is that stage right? I can never remember.)
  

• And he's dragging a chain by his waist in tribute to Christina Ricci's new film, Black Snake Moan. Tacky and hilarious bastard.
  

• John Waters says it's permissible to yell "Edit!" in a crowded movie if the film script drags in the middle.

• Cuba Gooding Jr. just used the "we could put some black in ya" joke on Illeana Douglas. Didn't see that one coming. Wow. And I thought Sarah Silverman was supposed to be the edgy one.
  

• To the tune of "Son of a Preacher Man," someone is singing a song tribute to Half Nelson - "I'm a crack-headed teacher man."

• Moved and stirred again by these clips. God, I love movies.

• Best Male Lead: Ryan Gosling for his performance in Half Nelson.

• Maggie Gyllenhaal is now officially my "get out of marriage free card." (My wife's is Jon Bon Jovi, by the way.)

• The guys behind Little Miss Sunshine want their juice cups. (Oh sorry, that's my daughter again.)

• Best Feature Award goes to Little Miss Sunshine.

It's over. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go call my agent. Would it kill him to get me a sponsor for this blog? Geez.

Independent Spirit Awards Today!

There is only one day a year in which I absolutely demand that I watch what I want to watch on the television. Today is that day. At 4 p.m., IFC will broadcast the Independent Spirit Awards. Hosted for the second consecutive year by Sarah Silverman and held in a tent along a Santa Monica beach, it ain't what the Oscars is. No tuxes or gowns, just comfortable clothes. No red carpet or commercial breaks even, just a focus on making movies on shoestring budgets for the love of making movies on any budget at all.

I live with a three year old and a two year old. What are the chances of me watching it without interruption during any of the following times?

Today at 4 pm on IFC
Today at 9 pm AMC
Tomorrow at 2:15 am IFC
Tomorrow at 6:45 am IFC
Tomorrow at 8 am AMC
Tomorrow at 12:30 pm IFC
Wednesday at 5:30 pm IFC

[Update: I watched the show largely uninterrupted. And the award for steering the kids away from Dad while he watched TV goes to...UGAgrad1995! Thanks, honey.]

He Approves, Good Buddy

Rachel at Charming Accounts of Tediousness posted a photo of a similarly positive minded trucker. Her photo made me remember my photo. Seriously, isn't that the greatest and most hopeful smiley face you've ever seen?

What's Better Than A Movie?

A movie review by Pulitzer-prize winning reviewer Stephen Hunter.
Carrey's 'Number 23': Fuzzy Math -- and Moviemaking

"I wonder what the crusty old studio boss Sam Goldwyn would have said to Jim Carrey about the script for "The Number 23." I think it might have gone . . . something like this:

"What, are you nuts? Kid, whatsa matter with you? What we need is some nice, fresh new cliches. This cliche is too old. Guy thinks he may have murdered a chick and may soon murder his wife. But he don't know? Who wrote that, a dumb genius? You're funny, kid. You do that thing with your arms all twisty and make your face go goo-goo like pudding, and wear that funny hair!"

"I fight authority, authority always wins."

This fan of The Hold Steady wants to know...

...what the hell is a hoodrat friend?

Your little hoodrat friend makes me sick
But after I get sick I just get sad
Because it burns being broke and it hurts to be heartbroken
But always being both must be a drag

She's been calling me again
She's been calling me again

"What did Tennessee?" "I don't know. Alaska."

From the Tennessean: Ad pictures Tennessee well, except it's Alaska.

"It's not cold outside anymore. Can we go out and play?"

That Van Halen Tour? Not Happening.

I can see Michael Anthony and Sammy Hagar hanging out in Cabo Wabo together and one of them is saying to the other one, "I told you they wouldn't be able to pull it off. Pay up."

I can't believe I thought they would pull it off.

Link: The Official Word: Van Halen Tour Kaput

The Number 23

A conversation I pretend I heard:

"The Number 23, starring Jim Carrey. What's that movie about?"

"I don't know. I think it's about Michael Jordan."

"Dude. Jim Carrey will play anybody!"

Pacman? Britney? Brilliant!!

Here in Nashville, we have the Tennessee Titans version of Miss Britney Spears. Not exactly wholesome, but always getting into messes where things may or may not be his fault - Mr. Adam "Pacman" Jones. It's always nightclubs and angry women or nightclubs and angry bullets. The only problem I've ever had at clubs is getting the bartender to notice me when my drink was dry. I was a twenty-something knucklehead once, too, but unlike Pacman (and Britney), I didn't have the notoriety or fame to find my dumb decisions displayed on the morning news the next day.

Anyway - and here's what I'd like to see - I think that these two should just accept the fact that nothing they do will go unnoticed and just play that to their advantages. Picture it: Pacman and Britney on The Amazing Race. Let's just make it a show. Maybe Pacman checks Britney out of rehab and they hop into the Little Miss Sunshine VW bus and travel across the country. Oh, how I'd love to watch that. If trouble and cameras are going to follow them around anyway, they may as well get paid for it.