Saturday, February 24, 2007

Worst Live Blog Post Ever (Now With Cursing!)

  • Three minutes into the Independent Spirit Awards and host Sarah Silverman has explained the art-to-commerce marriage by referencing talking vaginas. (And she did this sideways thing with her lips that made me laugh.)
  • About nominated film, Man Pushes Cart, Sarah summed up thusly: "Who gives shit?"
  • Silverman: "If a bomb went off in this tent, there would be no one left to make a documentary about it."
  • On Robert Downey Jr.: "He was into rehab before it was cool. He did rehab when you had to stay there...until you were better."
  • Note to self: If I ever meet Sarah Silverman, buy her good cheese. (You'll only get that if you watched it.)
  • Matt Dillon presents an award for Best Supporting Male and I wonder why he wasn't nominated for his performance in Factotum.
  • Alan Arkin wins in this category. (I didn't ruin the surprise, did I?) I love his work.
  • Presenting for Best First Screenplay are Lucy Liu and, if I heard correctly, a random guy who won a contest and got to be a presenter. Cool! He did great.
  • Winner, Michael Arndt for Little Miss Sunshine.
  • Zach Braff is presenting. It just now occurred to me that he looks like a younger, skinnier Ray Romano.
  • These clips are killing me. I want to see all of these movies. They are beautiful, raw, brave...all very inspiring.
  • Tom Waits in a clip for Wristcutters: A Love Story: "Do I look asymmetrical to you?" I love that guy. I may have to join Netflix for a free month just to see that.
  • Angelica Huston is on stage and keeps whining that she wants her juice cup. (Wait. My daughter is talking to me. I'm getting confused.)
  • A lot of these films are available on DVD at my local library. I'm requesting them online and I hope that they all don't become available for me at the same time.
  • Singing in honky-tonk fashion about the details of one of the nominated films is Minnie Driver. I forgot that this is a regular feature. Funny stuff. Bouncing ball at the bottom of the screen and everything.
  • Ain't David Lynch the greatest? My favorite of his is Wild at Heart with Laura Dern and Nicolas Cage. I need to watch his newest, Inland Empire, also starring Laura Dern. Hey Brittney Gilbert! Have you seen it yet?
  • With a hand-held Sony PD150 and no financial help from any studio at all, Lynch shot Inland Empire.
  • I love that this thing is being held in a tent. Anyone with a hand-held can make a movie and anyone with a tent can hold an awards show.
  • To the tune of "We Are Family," Taylor Dayne is singing a song about Little Miss Sunshine. "Screwed-up family/What's dysfunctionality?"
  • Announcer: "Put your hands and legs together for presenter Sharon Stone!" LOL
  • Winner of Someone To Watch Award, director Julia Loktev (Day Night Day Night). Happy to oblige. Her film looks wonderful.
  • Still waiting to hear who won the Axium Producers Award. Neither presenter seems to have the envelope. ("I thought you had it.") A nice laugh all around. Finally, the envelope is brought out. Congrats to winners, Howard Gertler and Tim Perell.
  • Short and touching tribute to Robert Altman. A clip from him on set, instructing his actors: "Let's start with everyone in the wrong places." He is, of course, one of the greatest.
  • The Robert Altman Award has now been created for future presentations.
  • American Gun, starring Forest Whitaker has moved to the top of my list.
  • Premier sponsors for the show: IFC, Netflix, Axium, and Elle. Principal sponsors for the show: Acura and Pop Secret. Sponsors for this blog: None, dammit. Guess I'll keep clocking in at the workplace. ;)
  • John Waters enters stage left! Hell yeah! (Or is that stage right? I can never remember.)
  • And he's dragging a chain by his waist in tribute to Christina Ricci's new film, Black Snake Moan. Tacky and hilarious bastard.
  • John Waters says it's permissible to yell "Edit!" in a crowded movie if the film script drags in the middle.
  • Cuba Gooding Jr. just used the "we could put some black in ya" joke on Illeana Douglas. Didn't see that one coming. Wow. And I thought Sarah Silverman was supposed to be the edgy one.
  • To the tune of "Son of a Preacher Man," someone is singing a song tribute to Half Nelson - "I'm a crack-headed teacher man."
  • Moved and stirred again by these clips. God, I love movies.
  • Best Male Lead: Ryan Gosling for his performance in Half Nelson.
  • Maggie Gyllenhaal is now officially my "get out of marriage free card." (My wife's is Jon Bon Jovi, by the way.)
  • The guys behind Little Miss Sunshine want their juice cups. (Oh sorry, that's my daughter again.)
  • Best Feature Award goes to Little Miss Sunshine.
It's over. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go call my agent. Would it kill him to get me a sponsor for this blog? Geez.


Heidi said...

google adsense?

CHEZ BEZ said...

Good point, Heidi. Maybe one day, I'll wise up and add that.

Melissa said...

First of all Netflix is the shit.
Second Zach Braff is like whoa, but you semi ruined him now because I will always think of Ray Romano, so I'm completely disagreeing with you because I must. lol. Did you see The Last Kiss? It's good.
Third. Ryan Gosling grew up near me in Canada, and in Canada near me means like 3 hours. lol. And I love him.

CHEZ BEZ said...

Melissa -
Sorry about that. You're right. He looks absolutely nothing like Ray Romano. Um, actually, he really does.

Good luck forgetting that.

Haven't seen The Last Kiss but am now adding that one to my long, long list.

Ms. Tabitha said...

That's great... because I really wish her brother was my "Get out of marriage free" card.


I missed this awards show, I wish I hadn't!

CHEZ BEZ said...

They're rerunning it a few times. My post below has the times.

newscoma said...

clap, clap, clap.
And Tom Waits made me grin.

john h said...

i have moved my movie crush from Rachel McAdams to Maggie G...god, I love those cheekbones!

Zach does look like R.R.s little brother..good catch!

shauna said...

Excellent choice in Maggie G.
I'd pick her before Jon Bon Jovi, myself.

Anonymous said...

Wish I'd seen it. And all of the movies that were nominated...

But...Bon Jovi?


CHEZ BEZ said...

Hey Geoff. Good to see you there. I was just listening to your "Karma" again this morning.

And, of course, the lady likes who the lady likes. Now I just have to make sure that she never meets Bon Jovi...just in case. ;)