I Could Use Some Bravery Right Now

It occurred to me tonight as I drove my very old Honda home from work (my "jalopy" as a nephew of mine likes to call it), that I have done myself no favors in a long time. I remember a time not too long ago, that I faced life with no real fears to speak of. I've never been a real outgoing sort, but I never really seemed to deny myself of anything that I felt I deserved.

But lately, I have really hurt my lot in life by somehow finding myself afraid to step forward with job opportunities. It could be that I paralyze myself by looking around and seeing just how much I have to lose. Maybe in life's game of Russian roulette, I have found the chamber not to be empty a few too many times. I do seem to be gun shy nowadays.

Simply put, I have been unhappy at my current job (not mentioned by name here) for a good year or so. However, a dream job has been put before me, and for several months I have not moved forward in pursuing it. I have been all talk and no action. Finally, I have asked a valued friend to help me put together my resumé. Maybe that's the baby step I need.

One fear that I need to get over is America's worst fear. I need to get over my fear of speaking in public. It will be a daily requirement at the new job. I am often told that I have a good voice. A mellifluous one, at that. It is easy for me to visualize myself speaking in public and sounding good while doing it.

But I realized that visualizing and doing are two different things last September when I was asked to give a toast in front of friends and family. In the minutes before my time to speak, I felt cool. While walking up to the mic to speak, I felt cool. No nerves. No butterflies. I was John Travolta-cool. But as soon as I heard my amplified voice, my mind was about as clear as mud and I felt as cool as a guy asking for a Michael Bolton CD in a hip, young alternative record store. In other words, not very. My voice, oh how it quivered. And this was a gathering of people whose approval I needn't worry about earning. Of course, maybe it's easier in front of strangers anyway. It better be.

The new job isn't something I need to talk myself into. I know I want it. Comparing Current Job with Dream Job makes for a considerably easy decision.

Current Job:

1. Work nights and weekends away from family.
2. Great health benefits.
3. Income fluctuates from average to poor.
4. Seniority? What seniority?

Dream Job:

1. Work nights and weekends away from family(this will diminish with seniority). But can have several days off in a row giving myself improved quality time with wife and kids.
2. Great health benefits.
3. Income is substantially greater. On bad days, I can always remind myself of this to get by.
4. Seniority? It's all about seniority. So even when taking my lumps as a new guy can be tough, I know that in time it'll be someone else and not me.

I'm sure it's a lot more complex than comparing four things, but that's all I need to see right now. Most everyone I know who works at the dream job absolutely loves it. They say that it feels as if they were on vacation every day. I want a piece of that action.

So here's the plan of action for improving my mind, body, and soul this year:

• Get that resumé out and pursue the happiness and higher income that I deserve.
• Get back into therapy. I cut it short after about three sessions a few years ago declaring myself "All cured. Thanks, Doc!" That was ridiculous on my part. Get back in, be honest, and get back to realizing my potential.
• Run and exercise more. I used to do that daily but have really dropped the ball recently.

That's a very short but very important list. And I'm gonna knock it out.