Wednesday, January 11, 2006

I Could Use Some Bravery Right Now

It occurred to me tonight as I drove my very old Honda home from work (my "jalopy" as a nephew of mine likes to call it), that I have done myself no favors in a long time. I remember a time not too long ago, that I faced life with no real fears to speak of. I've never been a real outgoing sort, but I never really seemed to deny myself of anything that I felt I deserved.

But lately, I have really hurt my lot in life by somehow finding myself afraid to step forward with job opportunities. It could be that I paralyze myself by looking around and seeing just how much I have to lose. Maybe in life's game of Russian roulette, I have found the chamber not to be empty a few too many times. I do seem to be gun shy nowadays.

Simply put, I have been unhappy at my current job (not mentioned by name here) for a good year or so. However, a dream job has been put before me, and for several months I have not moved forward in pursuing it. I have been all talk and no action. Finally, I have asked a valued friend to help me put together my resumé. Maybe that's the baby step I need.

One fear that I need to get over is America's worst fear. I need to get over my fear of speaking in public. It will be a daily requirement at the new job. I am often told that I have a good voice. A mellifluous one, at that. It is easy for me to visualize myself speaking in public and sounding good while doing it.

But I realized that visualizing and doing are two different things last September when I was asked to give a toast in front of friends and family. In the minutes before my time to speak, I felt cool. While walking up to the mic to speak, I felt cool. No nerves. No butterflies. I was John Travolta-cool. But as soon as I heard my amplified voice, my mind was about as clear as mud and I felt as cool as a guy asking for a Michael Bolton CD in a hip, young alternative record store. In other words, not very. My voice, oh how it quivered. And this was a gathering of people whose approval I needn't worry about earning. Of course, maybe it's easier in front of strangers anyway. It better be.

The new job isn't something I need to talk myself into. I know I want it. Comparing Current Job with Dream Job makes for a considerably easy decision.

Current Job:
  1. Work nights and weekends away from family.
  2. Great health benefits.
  3. Income fluctuates from average to poor.
  4. Seniority? What seniority?
Dream Job:
  1. Work nights and weekends away from family(this will diminish with seniority). But can have several days off in a row giving myself improved quality time with wife and kids.
  2. Great health benefits.
  3. Income is substantially greater. On bad days, I can always remind myself of this to get by.
  4. Seniority? It's all about seniority. So even when taking my lumps as a new guy can be tough, I know that in time it'll be someone else and not me.
I'm sure it's a lot more complex than comparing four things, but that's all I need to see right now. Most everyone I know who works at the dream job absolutely loves it. They say that it feels as if they were on vacation every day. I want a piece of that action.

So here's the plan of action for improving my mind, body, and soul this year:
  • Get that resumé out and pursue the happiness and higher income that I deserve.
  • Get back into therapy. I cut it short after about three sessions a few years ago declaring myself "All cured. Thanks, Doc!" That was ridiculous on my part. Get back in, be honest, and get back to realizing my potential.
  • Run and exercise more. I used to do that daily but have really dropped the ball recently.
That's a very short but very important list. And I'm gonna knock it out.


melusina said...

Good luck! Sounds like you have the right attitude to make it work out!

BBLogan said...

GO FOR IT! No flinching. You won't regret it... you'll only regret it if you don't do it. AND, in the process you'll be giving your kids a great lesson in how to live life. Settling is not good... it is sometimes easier and more comfortable... but it usually leaves people feeling unfulfilled and restless. I admire your courage... make it happen brother! Let your blog peeps know if you need help. We got your back.

Ticket 4 Two said...

Flight attendant (if not tell me what it is cause it sounds like my dream job!)? If so. You will totally love it! And don't worry about "talking" in front of strangers. If the panic attack girl (moi) can do it anyone can!!!!

Ash & Alex said...

Mike! I am with you. You remember when you where talking about this job? Use this anargy to get it now!!!!!

Boxset said...

My friend - if ANYONE deserves a dream job... it's you! I think you'd be great @ speaking in public. I've known you for over 14 yrs now.. and you are one of the most 'people persons' I know.
Go for it!!

dailydiablogger said...

I wish I could get a sweet gig. Join a toastmaster's club to get to practice your public speaking. Or, come to one of our meet ups and we'll let you practice on us.