Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Midlife Crisis At Age 35

It is a quiet dusk at Chéz Béz and I am listening to Claire de Lune by Debussy. It is just what I need right now. I go about each day both blessed and stressed. Aware of how happy I should be, but always worrying about how I might lose what I have. It's possible that I am just simply hard-wired for anxiety, and no measure of good fortune will put me at complete ease.

If I am to use Unbreakable by M. Night Shyamalan as a reference, it makes sense that (just like Bruce Willis' character in the movie) I a man destined for a certain kind of work and I am doing something very far from that work. In essence, not only am I not realizing my potential but I don't even know which way to face to go toward it.

All will be fine; I know this. I am just ever so self-analytical. Nothing transpires in my life without me playing it over and over in my head, trying to find the place where I could have really performed at a greater level of achievement. No conversation takes place where I don't reflect on how I could have better played a part. I just want to be all things to all people, a task of dubious good sense.

I complain and I worry, and yet I have so much beauty in my life. My struggles are the dreams of millions. Go figure.

What phrase keeps me going? "This too shall pass." So far, it is always true.

4 comments:

mom said...

michael -
"this too shall pass" was one of
nina's favorite passages. she must
have said it fifty-million times for at least
about fifty-million reasons; you
must have picked it up from your
grandmother.
if you want your mom's opinion, i
think that you're doing a fantastic
job in everything that you do. you
seem to be a wonderful husband and
father which is definitely #1 in
everyone's book, you're truly the
best son any parent could possibly
have. all in all, you're
absolutely the best on the page -
as pa would say.
on your previous blog about
streaking - did you know that
bobby played on the country version
of "the streak?" ray stevens, i
think. he made a bundle of
royalties on that song. LOL
love -
mom

30Something said...

At least you are a "thinker". My ex was a "I ain't thinkin bout notin" person! LOLOL..
Enjoy it (life) we only have one! You look like you have this great life in the works too!

Chez Bez said...

Thanks for the kind words, mom and 30something. Excuse my occasional melancholy. I am indeed moody for a dude. But there's nothing wrong with me that a whole lot of money in that bank won't fix. lol

I just need to listen to less sad music and more Katrina And The Waves.

Sam Davidson said...

Definitely been and sometimes am still in that way of wanting to do everything and feeling like you're doing nothing. Once you and I get out of it, let's write a book and make millions.